we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
