Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
