Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
