why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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