It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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