First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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