We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
