This is not my ceiling
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
