of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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