even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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