1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
