operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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