There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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