So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
