i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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