and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
