you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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