My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
