So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
