it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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