all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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