i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Less talking, more tequila
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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