speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
