I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
