Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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