i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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