you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She bit a glass in half.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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