dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
