Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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