I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
