dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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