he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
