i just wanna soil my oats bro
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
