Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
