last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
