Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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