Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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