I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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