I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
