Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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