Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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