Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
they need to just BURY HIM!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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