i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
