Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
