I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
