Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
