Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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