Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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