you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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