Girls should come with a carfax report
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
