I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
